A serious argument with someone that you love is never a fun experience, and I'm positive that all of you have had to deal with it at some point or another. Fights like that have a tendency to escalate way out of hand and swerve completely off the original cause of the fight. They just leave you drained and feeling like nothing is solved.
I haven't lived a long life, but I've tried to learn as much from it as I can. One thing I like to do, is read a lot. And I remember reading some advice about fights from a book.
When you are arguing, do these two things:
1. Speak slowly and softly. Softly is key here. Control your voice and you can control your words. As obvious as it may sound, it is harder than you would think.
2. Avoid generalizations, especially "You do ... every time" or anything with "always". Instead use "feels like", or "seems to me that". "You said .... " to "I thought you said..."
ex. "You ALWAYS do this!" ---> "I feel like you do this a lot..."
It sounds like a little useless bit, but it really works. It keeps the conversation from going off topic. If you use "always" "every time" the other person feels forced to defend themselves, and instantly points out fallacies, and then from there the argument degrades into each person trying to trip the other one up.
Don't know where this came from, I just want more people to know about the "I feel like" "seems to me" bit, because I've witnessed many fights that could potentially be useful go down the drain.
<3 - Sahil
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Well said, Sahil. I'll try to remember your advice the next time I'm in an argument! Another thing that might help--- being a good listener. But be firm in sticking to your principles, no matter what the circumstances. In the long run, good things will happen to people who stay on the "right side of life!"
ReplyDeleteYeah, being a good listener is most important of them all. I actually plan on writing another post about listening so I left it out :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading <3!
Sahil
ReplyDeleteAnother little piece of experience.Always remember people that cared for you or care for you.Never forget an obligation or help.It will be easier to forgive , forget and move on.