There is something about the spring...

I finally wrote again today, just tid-bits, let me know what you guys think!

1:~
Draining desire
that unquenchable fire
to grow and to learn
weariness compounded
my spirit hounded
must have more
give me more
for never shall I rest
~
2:~
Our existence and uniqueness
are solely defined
by the continuity of our actions.
Be true to yourself, be consistent, do not be fickle
only then will you exist with uniqueness
~
3:~
We are one, you and I
Defined by the same function
Our difference lies only in the phase, the amplitude
Arched away from this real plane into the imaginary
All we need is a shift of perspective
All it takes is a tilt of the head,
Then you'll see...
We aren't so different, you and me...
~

1- I have never worked so hard in my life. I feel like I have internalized and been exposed to a torrent of knowledge this year, information that I could only dream of comprehending before. Yet again, as every time where I find myself standing at the ridge of new found knowledge, I see the next valley. I'm so excited :)
"And any man who knows a thing knows, he knows not a damn, damn thing at all" - Take a Minute - K'Naan

2- Its a differential-equations poem... yes yes, nerdy I know, but I have never felt so pure as how I feel when I do math. There is a certain bliss that manifests when I manipulate those numbers, I forget about everything else in the world. I'm not that talented in it either, and often times I struggle to get the correct result, but its the process that fuels my desire.
“It is not your pictures I like, it is your painting.” - Exile and the Kingdom - Albert Camus

3- Depending on how you look at it, every linear combination of sin(t) and cos(t) can be represented as one function, Rcos(t-delta). No matter how different people seem to be, its just a matter of squinting hard enough. I don't mean to simplify human beings, I'm just saying that if you make the effort, you can find a way to relate to your fellow citizens of the world.
~

Life is tough right now, more so than ever before. Worrying about medical school, stressing about lab, and pining to be with my girlfriend... all of these things makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning. But hearing her voice when I wake up, learning something new, and finally understanding what it means to truly work hard makes every day worthwhile :)

"Live to the point of tears." –Albert Camus

I bid your farewell for now, until next time!
-Sahil

My Reason

I wrote this a while back and I have rediscovered it in my restless wandering. It is a free-flow piece I did, I basically put the pencil to the paper and let it run, with no direction in mind. I hope you enjoy :)

My Reason

The earth which was once full of life, excitement, and bright colors seems to have lost its core, it reeks of lack luster, an eyesore and cold to the touch; perhaps in the fury of expression the human race spread its wings too fast, too furiously, forgetting that the wings were not their own but a gift from heaven, manna from the gods, which were given to them on good faith, with the hope that these simple creatures could arise to clandestine heights, unfettered by the clutches of inferior intelligence, yet the gods did not realize the mistake they had made, for with this intelligence came the fucked up belief that mankind was doomed to fail, that sooner or later hatred, greed or jealousy would catch up and screw everyone over, hell if not those of malicious intent, then sheer circumstance would get in the way, thwarting man from ever reaching its height, for man had indeed forgotten that life itself is a precious gift and small moments of happiness should be held ideal, because if those things aren’t what life is all about, then I’ll be damned if I want to keep living with all of this hate and prejudice that grips society to the core of its being that is truly good, I believe, everyone has it in them to do something good for the world, its just that the world is not perfect, and some people who should have more willpower to survive in their situation end up with less, and some of those who need not have anything but, and make their way through life trying to find a way to make use of their intense spirit. I am Sahil and my reason to live is to help other people, because without others, one is alone, and in turn nothing.

- Sahil Khanna

Thanks for reading :P

Nervous

I feel like the calm before a thunderstorm. I feel the anticipation in my bones, down to my very cells.

I feel like I'm on the edge. I've been slowly falling down this rocky slope, scraping my knees and hands in the futility of trying to keep myself up, and now I'm about to hit a sharp fall.

Although, heh, this fall is a GOOD thing... I'm just nervous as hell of what is to come...

We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.
- Tom Stoppard

Here is to the future *cheers*! :)

I love Science :)

I’ve been enjoying my research lab lately; slowly I’m assimilating the knowledge that I need. Freshman year I joined Dr. Bevan’s research group and I was utterly useless, banging my head against the walls of science, trying to draw blood from stone as they say. Seriously, dock the ligand? A protein? I had no clue what that meant.

Sophomore year introduced me to organic chemistry and I noticed carbon chains and hydrogen bonding, and little pieces began to fall into place. I began to come to terms with the infinite void that is science, finally began to look into it without loosing my mind.

Junior year comes the birth of my true eyes, endowed with a dose of biochemistry, and finally I start to transmute the darkness of the void into rich minable ore. Now… If I could only figure out how to prospect knowledge from it, I’d be set!

My latest data are promising, and hopefully I can figure out how to decipher them to get actual, useable information. The culmination of 3 years of research is focusing on this one point! If you really think about it, everything we do, everything we have ever done in, leads up to this one point in life. Laughter ensues simply because these “points” also include sitting on the toilet or those times when you trip on nothing and hoping no one sees ;)

“One of the beautiful things about science is that it allows us to bumble along, getting it wrong time after time, and feel perfectly fine as long as we learn something each time.” – Martin A. Schwartz

Test test presentation test! Oh what a week this well be!

<3 Sahil

The Natural Flow of a Writer

From our minds flow…

… ideas, back to back, again and again. Ideas so fleeting, so voluminous, that trying to catch them all would be futile, but still we try. Our hearts ache, watching these dreams fly by, reaching out to find nothing, constantly wondering what could have been. Finally one falls into our hands, our fingers tingle with anticipation, a purpose, a goal. Perhaps to let others know our story, or maybe just the act of recording in protest of the bitterly short time we are given, to live on past our bodies as something more. At these times anything seems possible, all roads are the ones less taken, and anything can make all the difference, so we grab our pencils…

And from our pencils flow…

… words that we never did imagine, words falling swiftly down the arm, spilling over each other to be imprinted in false timelessness. The force, staggering, the flow unending, uncontrollable, unstoppable and still, unable to quench the thirst, the thirst to go on and on, to chisel something, anything, everything onto the stone cold surface of the behemoth known as history. Horrible thirst that knows no rest, and in turns allows no rest, and the lack there of is tiring, yet to be tired is what we yearn. This tired is not something to be avoided, not a plague, instead it is like that oh so scrumptious hot apple pie doused in cold vanilla ice cream that hurts so good. The killer combo of burnt tongue and brain freeze can’t outweigh the heavenly flavor which keeps us chiseling and scratching until we feel like we can’t go on. Eyes glance at the paper...

And then from our hearts flows…

… life, pure and simple, delicate and full of potential. Spider-silk warmth spreads to every part of the body, leaving you more in tune with your stiff little toes than ever. A connection so dense, so completing that one side of your dichotomy cries “It hurts…” and the other side replies “But it was worth it”. The body and soul function as one, oozing sweet contentment, refreshing tired minds, energizing rough worn hands, filling that not-so-secret hole (at least for a while) with love, courage, pride, all that gooey shit. The behemoth spills a few drops of blood, and the idea occurs that it really wasn’t that difficult now that you’ve started, so why should you stop….

And on and on still, until….

… the page is embellished, solid blocks fall away, and from the destruction emerges a new history; a phoenix flaming verses and signed in ink, burning brightly in the darkness of history. A history reborn, telling of our epic struggle to overcome the behemoth, to create beauty from the naked rock, strife and joy and sorrow…

Suddenly an idea strikes anew …
******************************************************************************************


This is a free write piece I wrote a little while back. I miss getting the chance to just put my pencil to a page and GO with it... Hopefully after this rush of work is over, I'll be able to relax some to write again :)

Enjoy, critique, and comment!
<3
Sahil

Hmm

So I went to bed at 11 hoping to sleep relatively "early" (compared to the 2's and 3's it has been lately) and my brain goes, "Sahil its been your usual 4 hours! Wake up!!" and knocks me awake at 3 am...

Crazy brain...

-Sahil

Fights with Loved Ones

A serious argument with someone that you love is never a fun experience, and I'm positive that all of you have had to deal with it at some point or another. Fights like that have a tendency to escalate way out of hand and swerve completely off the original cause of the fight. They just leave you drained and feeling like nothing is solved.

I haven't lived a long life, but I've tried to learn as much from it as I can. One thing I like to do, is read a lot. And I remember reading some advice about fights from a book.

When you are arguing, do these two things:

1. Speak slowly and softly. Softly is key here. Control your voice and you can control your words. As obvious as it may sound, it is harder than you would think.

2. Avoid generalizations, especially "You do ... every time" or anything with "always". Instead use "feels like", or "seems to me that". "You said .... " to "I thought you said..."
ex. "You ALWAYS do this!" ---> "I feel like you do this a lot..."

It sounds like a little useless bit, but it really works. It keeps the conversation from going off topic. If you use "always" "every time" the other person feels forced to defend themselves, and instantly points out fallacies, and then from there the argument degrades into each person trying to trip the other one up.

Don't know where this came from, I just want more people to know about the "I feel like" "seems to me" bit, because I've witnessed many fights that could potentially be useful go down the drain.

<3 - Sahil